Memoirs of a Dater – Chapter One

 memoirsaaa2At the time of my divorce, I was living in Austin, Texas.  Looking back now, there was no better place to be after a break.  Austin has so much to offer,  so many things to do and places to go.  Anyone at any age can find a multitude of things happening at any given time in Austin.  It was not to hard for me to jump back into a single life.  I was married for over 20 years, yet seemed to flow into the single lifestyle surprising well …considering everything that had happened to lead to this point.

So here I was, starting a new chapter in my life … A new beginning.  I moved into a new place, got a new job and did what I always did after a break up …I got a new guy.  But this time it was different.  It wasn’t a “by chance” type of meeting …at a restaurant, park or even the grocery store.  This time it was the internet that led me to find him.   Actually, he had found me at a time when I wasn’t really looking or ready for dating.  He emailed my social media account one day out of the blue.  People often say, “you will find someone when you least expect it.” And so it began …the relationship with …for the purpose of this post, we shall say Prince Charming.

We were together four years.  There are so many red flags that indicate that no matter what a relationship is, he probably is never going to commit to forever.  He had an earlier pattern, seen by many before …some even tried to warn me of him, of his lies and deceit.  Of course I didn’t see it at first and didn’t listen.  When another woman tries to tell you something bad about your man; your first reaction is that she is jealous and lying or wants him back.  Ladies, trust me!  Take note of this warning and DO NOT take it lightly.  You should probably turn around and run!!  By the time I realized …well, it was too late.  I was in love and this time it would be different.  So we tell ourselves …right?!   I was fresh out of twenty something years of marriage and very naïve to the relationship/dating game.   But, I was about to learn…

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The first mistake was getting involved to soon.  This should have been a casual, take it slow, type of fling.  A “to soon to get serious” type of involvement.  After a break up you need time.  You need time to think, time to figure out what should come next.  What you want now and time to grow as an individual.

It wasn’t that the relationship didn’t have its benefits.  It wasn’t that we didn’t get along because for the most part, we did.  It wasn’t that we didn’t have fun together because we did.  I was happy.  I was living in a new city, and in a new relationship and it was all very appealing and intoxicating.  We didn’t always have to do something special,  just enjoyed everyday life together and had fun doing it.  Going out to eat at our favorite Thai Restaurant, Madam Mam’s.   Going shopping on S. Congress, movie matinée’s and Italian Crème Cake at Mandola’s.  Delightful, sunshine filled, lazy days at the park and by the lake.  Well, you get the picture.  It was bliss …and then …it wasn’t bliss, it wasn’t anything.  It was over.

But wait a minute,  let’s go back.  Let’s go back to somewhere in the middle, before it all started to unfold.  Back before I woke up and realized it was never going to work.   When I still thought we were a great couple who would eventually marry and live happily ever after.  Is there really ever that happily ever after or that fairy tale ending?

Maybe I should go back to the beginning.  When I first met “tall, dark, handsome and never going to commit” aka Prince Charming. I knew very little of him.  Only what he told me, which was scant.  He seemed an unusually private person; to the point of even lying about his life rather than revealing the littlest of truths to anyone.   He did not want to let me in easily.  As we continued to date, I thought this was uncommon.  Still, I dismissed it, assuming he was being careful, cautious …waiting to see if I could be trusted.   In a way, I think part of him was waiting, but then he was also doing something else.  He was covering his tracks …his lies …

To be continued …

“If you look up “charming” in the dictionary, you’ll see that it not only has references to strong attraction, but to spells and magic. Then again, what are liars if not great magicians?”

-Deb Caletti, The Secret Life of Prince Charming.

Thanks for reading!

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3 thoughts on “Memoirs of a Dater – Chapter One

  1. An intriguing read Arlene. To your question is there happily ever after we would say yes…BUT… it does not come without low points along the way and lots of work.We know we are so very fortunate to be best friends 35 years later, but again it certainly wasn’t all sugar and lollipops every day.

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